Raising to Relating: The Hardest Transition of Motherhood
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Parenting adult children may be one of the hardest jobs we have as moms.
As a mom of a 21-year-old daughter and an 18-year-old daughter, I constantly find myself asking:
Am I doing this right?
At what point do we let them fail?
When do we step in?
When do we push them harder, and when do we hold back?
Am I expecting too much from them at this stage of life… or not enough?
These questions can honestly keep me up at night.
Because the truth is, parenting doesn’t get easier as they get older — it just changes. We move from raising our children to learning how to relate to them as young adults, and that transition can feel emotional, confusing, and overwhelming all at once.
That is exactly why we hosted our special event this week: Raising to Relating.
We partnered with Therapy Resource Group and Maria Morris to lead an incredibly meaningful discussion surrounding the realities of parenting adult children.
Maria wanted to make sure we are reaching all the moms that need this support so we wanted to recap some of the amazing take aways from last night.
You Have to Know Yourself… (Again & Again)
Parenting adult children begins with rediscovering who you are outside of your "role".
For years, our emotional, spiritual, and physical energy poured into raising young kids.
Somewhere along the way, identity became role-based: mom, wife, caretaker.
Just like we continue to date our spouses, we now have to start dating ourselves again:
What do I enjoy?
What fills me up?
Who am I outside of motherhood?
2. Relationship Cannot Thrive From Depletion
We cannot sustain meaningful relationships when we are emotionally empty.
When our identity exists only in past roles, we show up exhausted instead of connected.
3. You Cannot Do This Season Alone
Transitioning from raising to relating is deeply emotional (someone said it best last night, we aren't dealing with diaper rashes any longer).
Every parent needs:
girlfriends who are willing to hear the unfiltered truth
safe spaces to vent, cry, laugh, and process (looking at you Girlfriend Connective)
people who celebrate wins and refuse to let you stay stuck in discouragement.
Much like last night, a beautiful blend would be ladies who are seasoned beyond you, ladies who are in it with you, and ladies who are coming up into this season next.
4. You Get to Decide What This Season Looks Like
We can live trapped in guilt
Or
We can embrace the evolution of watching our children become..
5. Respect Is the Seatbelt for the Ride
Our children are no longer people we manage, they are adults we relate to. If we want our adult children to invite us into their lives, we must button everything with respect. It is no longer about compliance, control, approval, or constant correction.
Respect becomes the seatbelt for the rollercoaster of their adulthood.
We are no longer driving, we are now invited riders. How do you want to show up?
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If you would like more information or connect and talk to Maria Morris yourself her information is below.
Maria Morris, MS, LPC
Executive Director & Clinician, Therapy Resource Group
I also took many notes last night and wanted to share some great one liner advice statements that I know I will take with me as I navigate this new season with my daughters.
A Palm Tree Grows after a Storm
Safety is not a negotiation it is a requirement at any age
House rules not Life rules
Natural Consequences are a good start to letting them fail
What you are looking for is what you will see, so look for the good not the bad
Trust them to make a good decision
When they feel respected and trusted this allows them the opportunity to be more open.
Do you want to vent or do you need advice?
Clear is Kind
Two books were also recommended: Doing Life with Your Adult Children, Boundaries with Kids
